


What Christmas *Really* Means to Me

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Party, Dark, Flirting, Fluffy then Angsty then Fluffy, Kylex, Love Confessions, M/M, Military Backstory, Mistletoe, Not Beta Read, Post-Malex, Trauma, repressed trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21886606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: Kyle has been crushing on Alex and hopes to get him under the mistletoe at Isobel’s annual Christmas Party but at every turn, Michael beats him to the prize... The truth to Alex being under the mistletoe with Michael isn’t even close to what Kyle imagines
Relationships: Alex Manes/Kyle Valenti, Michael Guerin & Alex Manes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33
Collections: Kyle & Alex





	What Christmas *Really* Means to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to put a ⚠️⚠️warning ⚠️ ⚠️here because this fic takes a bit of a dark, dark turn just past the halfway mark so be prepared for a possible TRIGGERING situation that is *mostly* implied, not descriptive

The sky was grey and the smell of snow was in the air but it had been several weeks since the last hint of snowfall. Kyle climbed out of his car and pulled his coat around himself as he made his way up the front walk. He paused at the door, raised his hand and knocked but there was no response, not even from Buffy. 

Kyle tried the door but it was locked so he pulled out his key and let himself inside. He called out to announce his presence but still nothing until Buffy came bounding into the hall and leapt into his arms.

He scooped her up and kissed her before following the sound of Christmas music. Kyle headed towards the kitchen where he found Alex. His back was to the door as he swayed to the song, singing along very softly. The kitchen smells like freshly baked cookies and Kyle told himself it was the aroma making his mouth water nothing else.

Buffy struggled to get down so he deposited her upon the ground and she trotted over to Alex, pressed herself against his leg. He looked down at her before following her line of sight and he did a double take when he saw Kyle in the doorway.

“Kyle” Alex greeted him “I didn’t hear you come in”

“I knocked but uh yeah” Kyle replied almost nervously. Alex may have given him an emergency key but maybe he wasn’t really meant to use it unless it was an emergency… although Alex wearing an apron  _ was _ an emergency.

Alex must’ve read his mind for he wiped his hands on the front of the apron then he hastily tried to untie it but only succeeded in making the tie into an undo able knot. Kyle noticed Alex blushing to the tips of his ears. It was utterly endearing.

“Don’t say it” Alex said to him “I don’t want to hear any jerk off remarks about gender stereotypes or-”

But Kyle moved closer, slipped behind Alex and started to untie to impossible knot Alex had trapped himself with. His fingers were trembling but he focused on the job at hand and not the curve of Alex’s neck that he longed to lean forward and kiss.

“You think I don’t wear one when I cook?” Kyle replied. “Have you  _ seen  _ the way I work?”

“Can’t uh say I have” Alex said.

“This one suits you. I like the snowflakes”

Kyle whipped the apron from Alex and held it out to him. Alex turned and looked at his friend, an unusual look was in Kyle’s eyes as they gazed at each other. He watched as Kyle’s hand slowly reached for him. Alex swallowed nervously as Kyle’s finger touched his cheek.

“And gone” Kyle’s voice was gravellier than usual. “You uh had flour on your face”

Alex blushed and thanked him as he felt his own hand reaching up to touch Kyle’s which was still on his face. The oven timer buzzed behind them and the spell was broken. Alex stepped away and Kyle shook his head to clear his thoughts.

What had he been thinking? Kyle scolded himself as Alex opened the oven and pulled out a tray of fresh cookies. The smell filled his nostrils and he moved towards them.

“Ahhhh!” Alex roused on him “Kyle, no, these are for Isobel’s party”

“Isobel’s fully catered party that specifically instructed we bring absolutely nothing but ourselves? You mean that one?”

Alex nodded and looked away.

“Isobel doesn’t even like sugar cookies” Kyle added as he continued towards the tray “she’s just going to give the lot to Guer… Oh”

He watched as Alex blushed, to the tips of his ears yet again.

“So they’re not really for Isobel” Kyle finished “they’re actually for  _ him… _ and this way you’re not giving them to him yourself”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds” Alex explained. “I just… know he likes them and…” he paused then sighed “I don’t want to give him mixed signals, okay? We do this thing where we over react to each and every gesture when all I want is for him to eat some damn cookies”

Kyle could understand that but a part of him  _ was  _ stupidly jealous because  _ he _ wanted to be the one Alex baked cookies for. In his pettiness, Kyle snatched a cookie from the tray and hastily bit into it but being fresh from the oven the cookie was scorching hot.

It burned his mouth and he spat it out while waving his hand in front of his mouth, attempting to fan himself off. Alex simply watched with a very unamused expression on his face.

He was on the verge of smacking himself in the face when he felt Alex’s hand on his cheek. A moment later, Alex had slipped an ice cube into his mouth and he ceased his gasping. As the ice soothed him, his embarrassment began to rise and he suddenly wanted to run away. But Alex’s hand was still touching him so he smiled.

“I told you not to touch them,” Alex said.

“You didn’t say they’d  _ burn _ ” 

“Uh hello, straight from the oven!”

Kyle pouted his lips but there was a twinkle of amusement in Alex’s eyes that made he weak.

“Okay, fair” he held his hands up in surrender “but in my defense I was hungry and the party isn’t for another half hour”

“What?” Alex looked up at the clock and cursed. “Shit, I’m a mess and I need to clean up and shower… Isobel will be mad. Can you cover for me?”

“Calm down” Kyle reached over and placed his hands upon Alex’s shoulders. “Go shower and get dressed and I’ll clean up in here”

He wanted to say Alex already looked amazing even if he did have flour in his hair.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, go! Let Isobel be pissed at both of us”

“Thank you… I uh I’ll be as quick as possible”

Alex hurried from the kitchen and moments later Kyle heard the shower running. He tried very hard  _ not _ to think about a naked Alex showering mere feet away from him. Kyle quickly distracted himself by removing his coat, putting Alex’s apron on to protect his suit then he began to put away as much stuff as he could.

He was still working when Alex emerged and _damn_ _he looked good_! Kyle couldn’t speak.

“Wow” he whispered.

“What?” Alex’s face fell “I look ridiculous, right?”

“No! You look… You look…” 

What  _ could  _ he say? You look like sex on legs? You’re what I dream about every night? 

“You look… Good” he finished very lamely.

“You don’t look so bad yourself” Alex complimented him. “The apron is a nice touch”

Kyle nodded in agreement.

“Told ya” Kyle said to him “I definitely wear these things”

He untied it and removed the apron, putting it aside.

“So uh dumb question” Kyle started “but isn’t that the same jacket you wore to prom?”

“No” Alex chuckled. “You really think that old thing would still fit?”

“I uh the uh color looks familiar is all”

He shouldn’t have said it but the way Alex’s jacket reflected the light took him right back to high school. The only things missing were the septum ring, the eyeliner, the nail polish.

“Kyle?” Alex looked at him “what’s with the look?”

“Sorry” he shook his head to clear his thoughts “just… takes me back to high school”

“Oh Kyle” Alex put on an over the top accent “you wanna go to the malt shop after school and give me your class ring?”

“How about the Crashdown for a milkshake?”

“One shake, two straws?”

“Sounds good to me”

Alex laughed and his voice shifted back to normal.

“Come on, Isobel’s probably losing it already” he added.

He moved past Kyle, hand touching his shoulder as their paths crossed. Alex opened the cupboard and found a container for the cookies. Kyle watched as Alex transferred them from the tray but he left one single cookie behind. Alex picked it up and held the cookie out to Kyle.

He stepped forward but instead of taking the cookie from him, Kyle leaned over and took a bite. Alex laughed before taking a bite himself.

“I guess you like my cookies too” Alex said.

“Delicious” Kyle agreed “when they’re not burning my mouth anyway”

“Maybe I’ll make you a batch of your own next Christmas”

“You just want me to get fat” Kyle paused “make two batches for Guerin next year”

They both laughed and Alex threw the last of the cookie into his mouth. He picked up the container, told Buffy to behave in his absence then he and Kyle started towards the front door. They stopped while Kyle helped Alex into his coat and they made their way outside.

“So uh” Kyle started “did you wanna carpool or…?”

“I uh might take my own, if that’s okay?” Alex coughed.

“Why wouldn’t it be? Unless you don’t want people thinking we’re arriving together”

“I have no shame but what happens if I end up under the mistletoe with a hot fireman and we want to leave together?”

Kyle’s stomach churned. There was something not right in Alex’s tone, like he was trying to sound playful to mask a darker truth.

“Is uh is there a hot fireman you’ve got your eye on?” Kyle asked him.

“Well… No” he coughed then shifted uncomfortably “but uh you never know”

Alex winked and started towards his car. Kyle watched as he walked away before he turned and climbed into his own car. His hands gripped the steering wheel as his mind filled with images of Alex wrapped around a sexy fireman. He turned the key a little too aggressively then backed down the drive.

He checked the rear view mirror to make sure Alex was following but lost him as they drew closer to Isobel’s.

Isobel and Noah had been famous for their Christmas parties as they always went all out. This year Isobel had gone  _ slightly _ overboard on the festivities in the wake of the whole Noah incident. She was determined to prove to the town that she didn’t need him to throw the best party in town.

Kyle felt strange being dressed in a full suit and tie to celebrate Christmas but he was used to extravagance especially during hospital fundraisers. The guests all looked stunning in their finery but the one who stood out most to him was Alex.

The first time he caught a glimpse of him at the party, he was huddled in the corner with Michael. Kyle noticed the way Michael’s eyes kept fixating on him and it made him… jealous? It didn’t help that Michael kept touching Alex’s arm.

He’d had to do a double take. Kyle hadn’t seen Michael in a suit since Prom and it worried him how much his thoughts kept straying back to high school. He had no idea how Michael possibly afforded such a nice suit but reasoned Isobel had likely provided it for him. Unfortunately for Kyle, he had to admit Michael looked  _ good _ .

From the way Alex was looking at him, it was clear he agreed with Kyle’s assessment of Michael.

Later in the evening, Kyle moved past the oversized Christmas trees and spied a low hanging mistletoe. He immediately remembered Alex’s odd mention of being kissed under the mistletoe. A moment later, he saw Alex and he looked around, trying to plan a path  _ to  _ the mistletoe. When Alex took a step back, he ended up under the mistletoe. Kyle’s heart skipped a beat. He started through the crowd but when he finally reached the side of the room, Michael was there.

He watched as Michael wrapped an arm around Alex, pulled him away from the mistletoe and placed a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

Kyle didn’t need to see anymore so he turned and walked away. 

A while later, drink in hand, he was surveying the crowd again but only as a cover for checking for more mistletoe. Isobel had placed several around the house and Kyle was determined to find all of them. If he played it right, he  _ could  _ still meet Alex in just the right spot.

Behind the makeshift bar, Kyle spotted it. He started towards it and positioned himself just right as Alex came into the room. He waited, watching his friend. When Alex finally started towards him, Liz suddenly reached out and pulled Kyle onto the dancefloor.

The song was upbeat so Kyle put his empty glass aside and spun Liz around the dancefloor while she laughed, giggled and smiled. He peered over her shoulder and glimpsed Alex beneath the mistletoe. He held back a gasp, quickly apologized to Liz and started to walk away. He stopped when he saw Michael materialize at Alex’s side.

Liz grabbed Kyle and pulled him back towards her only to have Maria join them.

When he finally turned back, both Alex and Michael were gone. His heart sank but he wasn’t jealous… Alex had specifically told him that he and Michael were just friends now but he  _ had _ wanted to come in separate cars. Was Alex on the prowl tonight? Did Alex keep putting himself under the mistletoe to entice someone in particular?

“Hey” Liz rounded on him. “Why the long face?”

“No reason” Kyle replied.

“It’s Christmas; why aren’t you smiling?”

“Just… got a lot on my mind”

“Hoping to catch someone under the mistletoe, maybe?”

“Maybe” Kyle blushed. 

“Anyone I know?”

“I uh I’d prefer not to say”

In the far corner he could see two other young lovers wrapped around each other under the mistletoe and he drew a breath. For a brief moment, he fantasized about being under there with Alex. The fantasy shifted when he looked over and saw Alex happily dancing with Isobel.

He contemplated asking if he could cut in but decided against it. At least if Alex was dancing, he  _ wasn’t  _ under the mistletoe… with Guerin.

Kyle tried to enjoy himself, he really did but it was very difficult when Alex was looking so  _ fine _ . His eyes just kept seeking him out and he observed him from afar for most of the evening.

He was making his way to the bathroom when he saw Michael moving like a shark, darting through the crowd until he’d wrapped his arms around Alex and practically pushed him away from the mistletoe. Michael nuzzled his face against Alex’s neck and Kyle imagined he could hear his friends laughter even from this distance.

He’d had  _ enough _ . Kyle grabbed another drink, turned on his heel and stalked into the backyard. Once there, he spotted Maria and Liz so he made his way over to them, saw them exchange  _ a look _ but he wasn’t in the mood for whatever they were going to say. 

“It’s getting late” he told them “and I’ve had long hours at the hospital all week so I’m gonna head off soon”

Before either could protest, they were joined by Max who wrapped his arms around Liz and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Looks like Michael’s having a good time” Max stated.

“Guerin  _ does  _ look good in a suit” Maria agreed.

“He sure seems taken with Manes tonight” Kyle added. “Anyone uh know what’s going on there?”

“Christmas is the time for reconciliation” Max said “maybe they’re uh you know?”

“No…” Maria argued “Alex was  _ very  _ clear they’re over, over…”

“Done and dusted were his exact words” Liz said.

“Sure doesn’t look like that to me” Kyle mumbled.

“Jealous you couldn’t find someone to share the mistletoe with Kyle?” Max pushed.

He knew Max was only teasing but it hurt and he wasn’t in the mood. He’d already declared his intention to leave so he didn’t even justify it with a response, simply said goodbye to the trio then went to find Isobel.

She wasn’t easy to track down nor was she impressed when he started to say he was leaving.

“I’m sorry, Isobel but I have to work tomorrow,” he tried to explain.

“First Alex bails and now you” she sighed “who even knows where Michael went? But your excuse is valid so long as you save a few lives tomorrow”

“I will… Just for you” “Wait! You have to work on Christmas day?” “Christmas or not, people still get sick” “Well that’s just... At least you’re not bailing on some unlucky girl” Kyle pursed his lips; trust Isobel to hit him where it hurt. 

Kyle bid her goodnight then headed for his car but he was saddened to hear Alex had left without saying a word to him. He started towards his home but turned and headed in the opposite direction. He knew it was wrong to be so nosey but he drove to the junkyard anyway and was relieved to not see Alex’s car parked near the airstream.

It wasn’t all clear yet for maybe they hadn’t come back here. Scolding himself as he turned the car around, he drove to Alex’s place where there was no sign of either car. Kyle was intrigued; if neither of them were at the airstream  _ or  _ Alex’s place then where had they gone?

He told himself it was none of his business what they did but it still  _ hurt _ . Alex had practically sworn to him that he and Michael were over; Liz and Maria had said the same… but he’d seen the two of them together tonight and he couldn’t deny that there was  _ something _ between them. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He tried not to think of the way Michael had carefully placed his arm around Alex, how he’d tenderly kissed his cheek, how Alex had  _ relaxed  _ in his presence. Kyle gripped the steering wheel. 

Michael and Alex had a  _ history  _ he could never compete with. Even if Alex was able to look at him and not see the kid who used to bully him, he’d  _ never  _ look at him as a potential lover.

He’d seen the trepidation in Alex’s eyes when he’d reached to wipe the flour from his cheek. Kyle knew Alex would never look at Michael that way.

He turned into his street and did a double take when he saw Alex’s car parked next to the curb in front of his place. His heart skipped a beat. Kyle pulled into the drive, grabbed his coat and climbed out of the car. He pulled his coat on and started up the front walk.

He could just make out the silhouette of Alex sitting on his porch swing. The air was bitterly cold, how long had Alex been out here?

“Alex?” Kyle greeted him, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He approached and the sensor light came on, illuminating both of them. Alex looked up and smiled at him but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Alex?” Kyle started again “what are you doing here?”

“We need to talk” Alex said to him.

“Uh… Okay?” Kyle swallowed nervously.

He stepped onto the porch but kept his distance from Alex.

“I’m sorry I avoided you all night” Alex stated.

Kyle didn’t know what to say. Alex was admitting to purposely staying away from him but did he really have to avoid him by throwing himself at Michael all night?

“You uh you did?” Kyle coughed “I um didn’t notice”

“Kyle” Alex looked at him just as the sensor light turned off.

Neither of them moved, both remained perfectly stoic in the darkness.

“Christmas isn’t a great time for me” Alex explained “but not for any of the reasons you’d think”

“Okay”

Kyle took a step forward and the light came on. Alex was staring down at his hands which were shaking. Kyle knew he should invite Alex inside and out of the cold but he wanted Alex to feel he could leave, that he was in control of this conversation.

“There was a moment between us tonight, wasn’t there?” Alex asked “I mean, I didn’t imagine it, right?”

“In your kitchen?” Kyle replied. Alex nodded. “I wanted to kiss you”

There, he’d said it! Alex nodded again but kept staring at his trembling hands until the light switched off again.

“I thought so,” Alex continued, “but I wasn’t ready for that… not yet anyway… because I was terrified about going to Isobel’s party”

“I know Isobel _ can  _ be terrifying but it was just a party”

“That’s what I used to think” his voice dropped. Kyle wanted to move closer to hear him better “I had a really bad experience at a Christmas party years ago… it involved mistletoe… and while I  _ knew  _ what happened then wouldn’t happen tonight, I still panicked. So I called Guerin and bribed him with those cookies. I promised him the lot and two more batches if he made sure to keep me away from the mistletoe” Alex paused “I learned years ago that I have the worst luck when it comes to ending up under mistletoe… I have no idea how it happens, the stuff literally just appears over my head”

“So you asked  _ Guerin _ to help you” he choked on the name.

“Because I was nervous that if I asked you… and we ended up under the mistletoe together, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from kissing you” Alex finally confessed “and if or when you and I should ever maybe do something like that… I… don’t want it to be in front of a judgemental audience”

Kyle felt his heart leap into his throat and he couldn’t speak. Alex  _ had  _ considered the possibility of kissing him!

He took a step, the light came on at his movement and Kyle watched as Alex produced a piece of mistletoe from his pocket.

Kyle moved forward and sank down on the swing beside Alex. He watched as Alex turned to look at him then slowly began to raise the mistletoe. Kyle reached out and stopped him.

“What happened?” Kyle whispered “the bad experience years ago?”

“You don’t want to hear-” Alex started.

“I do” Kyle didn’t mean to cut him off, “I want to know what happened that night. What made you nervous to go tonight… Why you felt you needed Guerin to protect you”

“It wasn’t about protection… more… keeping the memories away”

“Alex” Kyle reached for his hand and gently entwined their fingers. “Please? Tell me what happened”

“I was at a party that was held off-base” he began once the lights turned off and they were plunged back into darkness. “It was mostly off duty officers but there was a lot of alcohol and some mild drugs… That I don’t remember consuming but must have”

His hands were trembling but Kyle held them tightly.

“There was a piece of mistletoe in the middle of the room and someone decided we should play a game” Alex coughed to clear his throat “I don’t really remember the rules but when two people ended up under the mistletoe… rather than kissing, we had to do  _ more _ ”

Kyle visibly stiffened. That didn’t sound good.

“How much more?” He asked.

“The person under the mistletoe had to give or receive a blowjob… It was oddly convoluted there were bottles and dice involved… basically someone spun a bottle to choose who went under the mistletoe then that person rolled a dice to see how many other people they’d have to… service under the mistletoe”

“Alex-”

“The first guy rolled a one then he spun the bottle and it landed on me where I rolled a six”

“You had to give or receive six in a row?”

Alex nodded as tears filled his eyes. He was thankful Kyle couldn’t see him in the dark.

“By number five my throat was killing me” Alex continued “but I wasn’t a quitter so I saw it through. I spun the bottle and the next guy rolled a two but when  _ he  _ spun the bottle… straight back to me where I rolled a  _ five… _ Everyone thought it was hilarious and they just  _ laughed _ . But I couldn’t go again… They said it was okay, that my throat could use the reprieve. I was drunk and drugged and too out of it to argue… someone gagged me to ‘give my mouth a rest’ because I ‘had somewhere else they could put their dicks’ apparently”

“Alex!”

“I passed out not long after so I uh I don’t know if they… used me like that or not”

Tears began to trickle down his cheeks and Alex leaned into Kyle’s embrace. Kyle wrapped his arms around him and held Alex tightly in his arms.

He didn’t know what to say; what  _ could  _ he say to that? He started to think back to Alex at the party, how quickly Michael had swooped in to keep Alex away from the mistletoe. The way Michael had been so careful and gentle with him. The way Alex had never actually  _ looked _ at the mistletoe, simply trusted Michael to watch over him. 

If Kyle had known any of this, he would’ve stormed into the party an hour early and burned every piece of mistletoe in the house. He was already vowing to find every piece in town and destroy it.

“I guess I should’ve told you sooner” Alex said, “but there’s still this part of me that remembers seeing my parents kissing under the mistletoe and _ I want that _ for myself. I  _ want _ to be able to share a kiss with someone I love under the mistletoe and not have it tainted by this… this  _ awful  _ memory… So I asked Guerin to help me and he did… He  _ really  _ did. He and I may never be together again but I knew he’d come through for me tonight”

“Does he know?”

“No; I’ve never told anyone this story. Guerin didn’t question it, at all…”

“But you told me”

“Because I… I didn’t want you to think that I didn’t want to kiss you because I did… I do… Kyle, I want to be able to kiss under the mistletoe and I  _ want  _ that kiss to be with you”

Kyle climbed to his feet. The porch light came on and he looked down at Alex. He reached down and gently wiped the tears from Alex’s face. He took his hand in his and pulled Alex to his feet.

Kyle reached for Alex’s hand in which he was clutching the piece of mistletoe and it struck him how difficult it must’ve been for him to tell him the harrowing ordeal while holding mistletoe in his hand… He also realized just how determined Alex was to reclaim a new memory.

He placed his hand over Alex’s then they slowly raised their joined hands, lifting the mistletoe above their heads. Kyle watched the wave of fear that passed over Alex’s eyes before they turned to look into each other’s eyes.

As Kyle leaned towards Alex, their lips drawing closer together, the porch light went out again. They were plunged into darkness but both clutched the mistletoe tightly as their lips touched in their first ever kiss.

Several seconds passed before Alex slowly pulled away. Kyle reached around and slid his arm around Alex’s waist. He felt Alex’s head drop upon his shoulder and suddenly Alex was trembling in his arms.

“Thank you” Alex whispered “thank you, Kyle”

Kyle dropped the mistletoe and wrapped his other arm around Alex holding him as tightly and protectively as possible. Alex trembled and sobbed for a long time.

It was a stark contrast to the man he’d walked into the kitchen to find wearing an apron and baking cookies. Not the boy who’d called Kyle a coward at prom. The brave soldier with a collection of medals to his name.

Right now, Alex was the man he loved with all his heart and he was hurting from sharing a part of himself with Kyle. With every aspect of Alex he was exposed to over the years, he simply fell further and deeper in love with him.

“I wish I could take the pain away” Kyle whispered “I wish I could do  _ anything  _ to help you, Alex”

“You already have” Alex pulled far enough away to look into Kyle’s worried eyes. “You’re here, holding me”

“Of course I’m here, I love you, Alex”

“Can I stay here tonight? Please?”

Kyle sighed.

“I’m sorry but no, you can’t” it pained him to say it, especially when he saw the hurt in Alex’s orbs “we have to go to yours” Kyle added “because you need Buffy cuddles tonight”

“But… I need Kyle cuddles too”

“And you’ll get them; tonight, tomorrow and every minute of every day that you need them”

“I love you too Kyle” Alex whispered.

He reached up and placed his hand upon Kyle’s cheek; Kyle turned and softly kissed his palm before gazing into Alex’s tear filled eyes.

“Let me take you home” Kyle whispered “I promise I’ll take care of you… not just tonight but for as long as you need me to”

“Kyle-”

“I get this happened a while ago but there’s no expiration date on trauma; trust me, I’m a Doctor”

“I do trust you, Kyle, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner”

Kyle reached up, grasped Alex’s hand and kissed the back of his palm.

“No one will ever use you like that ever again” Kyle insisted “they’ll have to get through me and Guerin first and that’s never gonna happen”

Alex threw himself back into Kyle’s arms but it wasn’t long before he was escorting Alex back to his own car. He rummaged in Alex’s pockets for his keys, unlocked the car then put him in the passenger seat. Kyle slid behind the wheel and proceeded to drive them to Alex’s place.

Alex was very quiet during the short drive, simply watching Kyle as he drove the empty streets. They reached their destination and Kyle stopped the car but neither made to get out. Kyle reached for Alex’s hand and they both peered through the windshield.

“Look” Kyle whispered “it’s snowing”

Alex smiled; he loved the beauty of snowfall.

Kyle stepped out of the car, walked around to the passenger side and helped Alex out. The ground was slippery and they both went crashing down, landing with a painful thud.

“Guess I should’ve changed outta the suit, huh?” Kyle said.

“You can take it off once we get inside”

“Oh I can, can I?”

Alex blushed as they slowly climbed to their feet and made their way to the front door. They went inside and Alex immediately went to grab his phone which he’d purposely left behind. Buffy came bounding to greet them and Kyle scooped her up in his arms.

He caught a glimpse of Alex’s phone.

“That’s a lot of missed calls” Kyle stated.

“Guerin can be quite persistent”

He put the phone on speaker and dialed Michael. When he finally answered, it was clear from the background noise that Isobel’s party was still in full swing.

“Alex? Are you okay? You left so early” Michael said to him.

“I’m fine, Guerin, thank you for everything you did tonight”

“Did you find Valenti?”

“I did” Alex looked at Kyle.

“Did you tell him you’ve been possessed by demons and now think you’re in love with him?”

“Something along those lines, yeah”

“Did you tell him if he makes the same mistakes I did and hurts you like I did, I’ll melt his brain?”

Alex laughed “no but you just did”

Kyle stepped closer, kissed Alex’s cheek then leaned into the phone.

“I’m not dumb enough to repeat  _ your  _ mistakes, Guerin” he said.

“I trust you’re capable of making other dumb ones” Michael argued.

Kyle turned and looked at Alex.

“Falling in love with Alex is the least dumb thing I’ve ever done” Kyle insisted.

“Goodnight Guerin” Alex said “and Merry Christmas”

After Alex ended the call, Kyle pulled him into his arms and held him.

“This wasn’t how my dream of spending Christmas Eve with you ever played out but I’m glad I’m here” Kyle said to him.

“I’m really glad you’re here too. If you’re a good boy, Santa might still find you”

“I don’t want anything from Santa; my only wish this year was to be with you and that wish has already come true”

“You really want to spend your Christmas Eve with me instead of your family?”

“You’ve always been my family, Alex, there’s no one else I’d rather be with tonight than you and Buffy”

Kyle kissed Alex’s lips in a gentle, tender embrace and Alex smiled before returning the sentiment. For the first time in years, Christmas brought a smile to his face and the man he loved into his arms. 

One day the pain of the past would eventually fade but tonight he wasn’t alone and Christmas finally meant something else to him; that he was safe, loved and always would be.


End file.
